Andy Rooney: Too Ballyhooed

Andy Rooney was a cantankerous old sod with eponymous eyebrows and a wiseacre-delivery that became ever-more grating over the decades. Born on January 14th of 1919, the grumpy old Andy was an aged version of grumpy young Andy.

Happy Birthday, Andy Rooney!

Beloved by millions who hung on through every second of 60 Minutes for 33 years just to see his crabby meanderings at the end, Mr. Rooney retired from the Sunday night CBS New show in late 2011. He died a month later. The dude's genes were sound -- he lived to age 92. His curmudgeonly soliloquies were less laudable. He often sounded like a spoiled, buxom redhead whining over warm champagne -- and he didn't care. Indeed, he took pleasure in writing and speaking "the truth" and was mystified that anyone should find it less than mere, warmed-over snark.

Mr. Rooney's family life was imaginably more dignified, warm and pleasant than his on-screen persona. Living in the rarefied climes of upscale Connecticut and New York neighborhoods, he and his wife raised four children who eventually followed their father's footsteps into the media industry. In addition to news writing and punditry, the crusty old gadfly penned 16 books, including The Story of the Stars and Stripes which reflected his experiences as an Army journalist during World War II.

Birthday Gift for Andy Rooney?

A huge fan of the New York Giants and a season ticket holder for decades, Mr. Rooney would have to love a toaster that burnishes the football team's logo on bread slices. Never one to hold back in with his disgust for unnecessary appliances and newfangled gadgets, Andy may set aside his consternation for NFL Protoast Toasters

The foundation of a breakfast for champions, Giants-logo emblazoned slices of warm, toasty bread may be the comfort in life Mr. Rooney needed to make his public appearance more engaging. Scrambled eggs, a nice slice of fresh tomato and a mug of green tea could have helped, as well.

Danny Thomas: Funny. Charitable. And Scary?

By the time he died in 1991, Danny Thomas may have been better known for his astounding devotion to raising funds for St. Judes Children's Research Hospital than for his lifetime's work as a comedian and actor. When he was born on January 6, 1912 in Deerfield, Michigan, he was lovingly named Muzyad Yahkoob. Developing a strong sense of humor early on was in his own best interest.

Happy Birthday, Danny Thomas!

Danny Thomas was beloved for his funny portrayals on radio, television and film. He made it big in the booming world of 1950s and 1960s television with Make Room for Daddy and the Danny Thomas Show. He fathered three kids who built their own stellar careers in the entertainment world -- most recognizably That Girl Marlo Thomas.

So with all the publicity shots and all the goodwill this kind man has generated, why would The Museum of Broadcast Communications choose to memorialize Danny Thomas with a totally creepy photo of him smacking the backside of a little boy with a hairbrush?

Surely good folks at the museum don't mean to imply that Danny Thomas was a pervert, right? With today's sensitivities, it's just not a great idea to portray an actor with a little kid sprawled butt-side-up across his lap. Wielding an old-fashioned tool of discipline over the kid's rear-end isn't particularly attractive, either. Neither characters' facial expressions help the cause.

This is a man who, after all, did enough good work in his lifetime to be awarded the Congressional Gold Medal. To this day his work lives on and can be supported at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. If you know a child in need of the hospital's services, make contact through the same website.

Birthday Gift for Danny Thomas?

Inspired by the scary hairbrush -- which was no doubt functional for its intended purpose -- an ideal gift for the philanthropic-trend-setting Danny Thomas would be a gracious toiletry bag to house his grooming accessories.

Suitable for carrying a hairbrush, shaving gear and all manner of nice-smelling aftershaves, shampoos, conditioners and soap, Tommy Bahama Men's Hanging Travel Kit,Brown,One Size suits Mr. Thomas' style and panache. The palm tree logo embossed on the handle is a keen little reminder of the comedian/actor's years in Hollywood where the practiced the craft that brought joy to millions.

Surely there's a way to get museums and other disrespectful institutions to reconsider their memorials. Somewhere in Chicagoland where the museum directors lurk, a there has to be at least one public relations wonk who can see the absurdity of the organization's tribute to Danny Thomas.

Betsy Ross: World's Greatest Graphic Designer

Betsy Ross designed the best-known icon in the history of the world -- the American flag.

Oh yeh, and she was a seamstress, too. Not just the sort of Colonial chick who could whip up a vest and trousers in a day or so. The handy, crafty gal specialized in upholstery, a trade more commonly populated by men in the American colonies. Betsy, a three-time widow, was tough as the leather she stitched into solid colonial furniture and the canvas she made into tents for Revolutionary war soldiers.

Happy Birthday, Betsy Ross!

Philadelphia's New Year's baby in 1752, the girl had more than a dozen siblings. Betsy Ross survived three less-than-sturdy spouses and maintained her own pleasant little home on Arch Street in Philadelphia. When George Washington and two other American patriot guys sneaked into her back parlor, she probably could have knocked them all out without breaking a sweat. Fortunately, one of the men was a relative, so they got a reprieve and asked Betsy to make a flag for their group of rebels, -aka- American patriots.

George wanted stars on the flag, but Betsy found his six-sided star idea just a little pedestrian. Five-pointed stars would make the design pop and give clout to the visual impression. No, no, the men argued. That's too hard. Solid in her resolve, Ross grabbed a piece of paper and folded it several times. She pulled out a pair of scissors, deftly snipped the folded paper, then unfolded it to reveal a perfectly shaped 5-point star.

What a bold move. A single strong lady who knew what would be the best element for a flag design and with quiet determination made it happen in spite of men who insisted they knew better. Mrs. Ross applied the 13 5-pointed stars representing the new world's colonies onto a deep blue background, a symbol of integrity and wide open spaces. In a stroke of colorful, graphic genius, she positioned the star-emblazoned in the upper-left corner of a rectangle made with red and white stripes. The flag's proportions are the epitome of graphic design elegance.

Birthday Gift for Betsy Ross?

This lady deserves luxury  . 

If she wasn't a dead celebrity, the top choice birthday present for Betsy Ross would have to be a Paraffin Bath to soak her talented, aching hands. Although electricity wasn't available in her house (it was the 18th century, after all), it wouldn't be long until her neighbor a few blocks over -- Benjamin Franklin -- got the ball rolling on that problem.

Ms. Ross, of course, would enjoy the TherabathPRO Professional Grade Paraffin Bath because it's just right for dipping sore elbows and tired, cold feet, as well. The heated wax coats the skin, sending therapeutic warmth directly to swollen joints and stiff muscles. If anyone deserved the relief and comfort of a paraffin bath, it would be the famous graphic designer and seamstress, Betsy Ross.

Find out more about this birthday girl, Betsy Ross, in person by visiting her home in Philadelphia. It's a delightful way to celebrate one of the Founding Mothers of this country and get an upbeat history lesson at the same time.

Tickets and directions:   Betsy Ross House Tour